(AN: Part two contains some pretty rough stuff that may be triggering to some readers. Discretion is advised. I love you. <3 )
"You fucking bitch! How the fuck could you do that to me?"
He shoved her against the wall, a towel rack jabbing her in the back. She winced in pain and he pulled out another bag from his pocket and shut the door forcefully. She pushed herself from the wall, but was cornered by the bathtub. Her eyes widened when he dumped the contents of the bag into his hand, lifting it up to her face.
"Jesse, no! Please! I'm sorry! I did it for your own good!"
He shoved her against the wall, a towel rack jabbing her in the back. She winced in pain and he pulled out another bag from his pocket and shut the door forcefully. She pushed herself from the wall, but was cornered by the bathtub. Her eyes widened when he dumped the contents of the bag into his hand, lifting it up to her face.
"Jesse, no! Please! I'm sorry! I did it for your own good!"
Tears sprang from her eyes and she moved her head from side to side and every other direction to keep herself from inhaling. Jesse was lean but he was strong and she couldn't push him away.
"All I wanted was for you to feel good. All I wanted was my girlfriend back, but no! You had to go and be a bitch and waste my fucking coke! You know you want to Holland so just fucking do it!"
She cried, her eyeliner running down her flushed cheeks.
"I don't, I don't!" she screamed, "Help me!"
"All I wanted was for you to feel good. All I wanted was my girlfriend back, but no! You had to go and be a bitch and waste my fucking coke! You know you want to Holland so just fucking do it!"
She cried, her eyeliner running down her flushed cheeks.
"I don't, I don't!" she screamed, "Help me!"
She wiggled her knee free enough to launch it upward with every bit of fight she had left, sending him to the floor. She tried to run but he grabbed her by her foot and her head met the edge of the cast iron tub, a streak of red now dripping from it.
The room was spinning and she was more focused on trying to stand up to run away than not breathing, and he grabbed her face with his free hand and opened his closed fist, smearing it against her nose. In a tragic second, she inhaled, exasperated. Her cheeks were stained with black and she sobbed with her bruised knees to her chest.
"No. Fuck you, Holland. I used to love you. Now you're just some useless skank that flushed my coke."
He stood up, dusted his jeans off, opened the door just enough to get through and then slammed it shut, the thumping of the music drowning out any cry for help she could muster at this point.
The room was spinning and she was more focused on trying to stand up to run away than not breathing, and he grabbed her face with his free hand and opened his closed fist, smearing it against her nose. In a tragic second, she inhaled, exasperated. Her cheeks were stained with black and she sobbed with her bruised knees to her chest.
"No. Fuck you, Holland. I used to love you. Now you're just some useless skank that flushed my coke."
He stood up, dusted his jeans off, opened the door just enough to get through and then slammed it shut, the thumping of the music drowning out any cry for help she could muster at this point.
Her entire world became fuzzy and then black all at once like the end of an old film reel.
Fin.
--------------------
She woke up in the hospital, restraints around her wrists and legs.
What the hell?
She had no memory of what happened at first. Her head was throbbing and she felt nauseous, the cravings ten times stronger than they were before. She tried moving, but with straps on and around her, it was no use. She laid back and her eyes watered, tears coming down the sides of her face.
Why? I thought this was a fresh start?
The door clicked open and she figured it was a doctor, or her mom, because how else would she have gotten here? Jesse left her for practically dead in that bathroom.
"Didn't forget me yet, did you?"
She jerked her head to the best of her ability, the room spinning.
"Eli? H-how are you here right now?"
"You're only a few floors below me. My cousin was as that party. They knew you because I like to talk about you a lot. I guess me 'stalking you' has its benefits."
"Eli," she quivered, trying to hold back the tears,"I-I relapsed. He held me down and shoved them in my face and I tried to get away but then I hit my head and--"
The tears stung her eyes the way the cocaine had stung her nasal passages. Did her parents even know she was here? Would they blame her if they knew she had drugs in her system again?
Eli pulled up a chair and he wiped away a running tear with his thumb.
"You didn't relapse, you were drugged. There's a difference."
"But I just wanted to break up with him. That's all. I never wanted any of this. And I want out of these fucking things, why do I even have these on?"
"You were kicking and refused to let them help you. They said you need to be restrained in case you try to harm yourself or someone else, that you're in an unstable mental place."
"When am I not in an unstable fucking mental place? God, the cravings are worse this time, I feel it in my bones. I hate him, I hate him!"
She let out a breath, "The things he said to me, Eli...Like I was nothing to him all this time. Why was I never enough?"
He scooted closer to the bed, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, "Because people aren't medicine. He has his own issues and he won't face them. You patch the holes those issues left, drugs make him forget the holes even exist. You're great, but forgetting beats patching. You were never the problem."
"God, how are you so smart? How are you the only person who knows what to say to me to make things suck just a little less?"
"I've been through shit. It's like I told you, I've hurt people I love. The only person I loved. You don't spend years in therapy for BPD and not learn shit about people."
"Tell me?" she asked softly, looking at his face that seemed to be washed with worry.
"Here? Now?"
"Please? It'll take my mind off of the cravings."
He exhaled slowly, mulling it over.
"Her name was Rachel. She was the only person who ever understood me, who was ever patient with me. I felt like I was somehow safe from myself with her. Three years, we were together. Talked about getting married and all that shit. And then one day she just decides to leave and tells me, 'I don't know if I love you anymore.' And back then, I didn't get much help for my shit like now, I didn't know how to think about other things or control my emotions."
He paused, looking up at her. She squeezed his hand as much as the restraint allowed.
"And...she had her bags packed and I was a wreck, begging her to stay. I can still remember how much my eyes burned from crying. Cause I needed her, ya know. She was everything to me," he paused, swallowing a lump in his throat," And the next thing I know everything just goes black. I wake up and there I am... covered in her blood, a butcher knife next to me."
He stopped, gripping her hand tightly, trying to refrain from letting his emotions bubble over into tears," I killed her, Holland. That's how I got this scar, she tried fighting back and almost took my eye out. I wish she would've," he choked, "That's the least I deserve. I'm a murderer. I'd be in prison right now if I wasn't fucking insane."
The heart monitor she was attached to beeped a little more frequently as he continued the story. If her hands were free she would have covered her mouth with them. How could Eli do such a horrendous thing? He's always so careful around her, but it all made so much more sense to her now.
"Jesus, Eli. I'm so sorry."
"That's...not usually the response I get when I tell people that story..."
"Well I know what it's like to have to actively fight your own mind, to wrestle with the very thing that's keeping you alive no matter how dead you feel."
"You get me in a way that no one else does. It's hard not to let my emotions get the better of me when I'm around you. And I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing...But you've had so much shit that you need to take in and I should let you rest, instead of adding more."
He stood up from her bedside and smiled the way he always did, but she gripped his hand.
"Wait. Will you stay with me? I don't want to go through this alone. Not again."
"Of course I'll stay with you. For as long as you'll let me," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.
Fin.
--------------------
She woke up in the hospital, restraints around her wrists and legs.
What the hell?
She had no memory of what happened at first. Her head was throbbing and she felt nauseous, the cravings ten times stronger than they were before. She tried moving, but with straps on and around her, it was no use. She laid back and her eyes watered, tears coming down the sides of her face.
Why? I thought this was a fresh start?
The door clicked open and she figured it was a doctor, or her mom, because how else would she have gotten here? Jesse left her for practically dead in that bathroom.
"Didn't forget me yet, did you?"
She jerked her head to the best of her ability, the room spinning.
"Eli? H-how are you here right now?"
"You're only a few floors below me. My cousin was as that party. They knew you because I like to talk about you a lot. I guess me 'stalking you' has its benefits."
"Eli," she quivered, trying to hold back the tears,"I-I relapsed. He held me down and shoved them in my face and I tried to get away but then I hit my head and--"
The tears stung her eyes the way the cocaine had stung her nasal passages. Did her parents even know she was here? Would they blame her if they knew she had drugs in her system again?
Eli pulled up a chair and he wiped away a running tear with his thumb.
"You didn't relapse, you were drugged. There's a difference."
"You were kicking and refused to let them help you. They said you need to be restrained in case you try to harm yourself or someone else, that you're in an unstable mental place."
"When am I not in an unstable fucking mental place? God, the cravings are worse this time, I feel it in my bones. I hate him, I hate him!"
She let out a breath, "The things he said to me, Eli...Like I was nothing to him all this time. Why was I never enough?"
He scooted closer to the bed, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, "Because people aren't medicine. He has his own issues and he won't face them. You patch the holes those issues left, drugs make him forget the holes even exist. You're great, but forgetting beats patching. You were never the problem."
"God, how are you so smart? How are you the only person who knows what to say to me to make things suck just a little less?"
"I've been through shit. It's like I told you, I've hurt people I love. The only person I loved. You don't spend years in therapy for BPD and not learn shit about people."
"Tell me?" she asked softly, looking at his face that seemed to be washed with worry.
"Here? Now?"
"Please? It'll take my mind off of the cravings."
He exhaled slowly, mulling it over.
"Her name was Rachel. She was the only person who ever understood me, who was ever patient with me. I felt like I was somehow safe from myself with her. Three years, we were together. Talked about getting married and all that shit. And then one day she just decides to leave and tells me, 'I don't know if I love you anymore.' And back then, I didn't get much help for my shit like now, I didn't know how to think about other things or control my emotions."
He paused, looking up at her. She squeezed his hand as much as the restraint allowed.
"And...she had her bags packed and I was a wreck, begging her to stay. I can still remember how much my eyes burned from crying. Cause I needed her, ya know. She was everything to me," he paused, swallowing a lump in his throat," And the next thing I know everything just goes black. I wake up and there I am... covered in her blood, a butcher knife next to me."
He stopped, gripping her hand tightly, trying to refrain from letting his emotions bubble over into tears," I killed her, Holland. That's how I got this scar, she tried fighting back and almost took my eye out. I wish she would've," he choked, "That's the least I deserve. I'm a murderer. I'd be in prison right now if I wasn't fucking insane."
The heart monitor she was attached to beeped a little more frequently as he continued the story. If her hands were free she would have covered her mouth with them. How could Eli do such a horrendous thing? He's always so careful around her, but it all made so much more sense to her now.
"Jesus, Eli. I'm so sorry."
"That's...not usually the response I get when I tell people that story..."
"Well I know what it's like to have to actively fight your own mind, to wrestle with the very thing that's keeping you alive no matter how dead you feel."
"You get me in a way that no one else does. It's hard not to let my emotions get the better of me when I'm around you. And I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing...But you've had so much shit that you need to take in and I should let you rest, instead of adding more."
He stood up from her bedside and smiled the way he always did, but she gripped his hand.
"Wait. Will you stay with me? I don't want to go through this alone. Not again."
"Of course I'll stay with you. For as long as you'll let me," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.
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