1-15: Dance In The Rain

It had been 3 weeks. No calls, no texts, no nothing. It was like Holland didn't exist in Eli's world, wherever he was now. Was that his plan all along? Was she really that gullible and was he really that deceitful? Her anxiety told her that he was just looking for a way out, a quick lay, and freedom. But her heart couldn't believe that, even after what he'd put it through.

"Once again, the smart girl is really stupid," Holland mumbled, throwing balloons filled with paint at a canvas in her parent's garage. It hit the canvas with a pop, splattering red paint across it. She picked up another one, this one purple and chucked it, mixing it with all the other colors that were sprawled on the white, textured fabric.

She sat down on the concrete floor, wiping her brow and smearing paint on her face in the process. She was trying to do the healthy thing and channel her emotions into something creative, positive. 

"How in the Hell does this actually work for people?" 

She tucked her knees to her chest, resting her elbows on them. A pang in her chest twisted her stomach and she felt a tear slip from her eyes. The lump in her throat rose and rose before she gasped, the dam breaking, rushing her.

She thought she loved Jesse. And maybe she did. Maybe she thought that's what love was at the time. Sacrificing everything for them, even if it's your sanity.

But the heartbreak she felt with Jesse was nothing compared to this, which meant the love didn't either. This was so much deeper. 

So much better, then so much worse.

Holland felt her stomach churn and she scrambled to her feet, running to the bathroom.

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Holland was grabbing the last few bags of groceries from the trunk of her SUV when she saw a car pull up in front of the house. It stayed there for a minute, no one getting out. She guessed that the driver hadn't seen her tucked behind the open trunk door.

She peered through the windows, trying to get a good look and the window rolled down slightly on the passenger's side. All she could make out was brown hair, and the slightest bit of pale skin.

He's not coming back. Just stop.

She shook her head and closed the trunk, the groceries in her arms, and she walked toward the front door. The noise from the truck slamming shut alerted whoever was in the car as they immediately looked back at her, rolled the window up, and sped off. 

Later that day she'd told her mom about it, asking if it could have been him. 

A look of worry mixed with pity washed over Guinevere's face. 

"Honey, I'll be honest with you. It may have been. But if it was or if it wasn't, that's still a bit concerning. If he left you, he shouldn't be lurking around, watching you hurt. That's an awful thing to do to you, the least he can do is talk to you." 

Ares walked in, crushing an aluminum can in his hand before throwing it in a recycle bin.

"If that was him, that'll be his head next time. Have half the mind to call the police, after what I did for that measly little shit." 

Eli had hurt her, there wasn't any debating that. But to hear people talk about him like that hurt her too. Regardless of what he'd done, she was still in love with him. There wasn't any debating that, either. 

"Dad, please. Just forget it, okay. It's the first time I've ever noticed it. If it keeps happening I'll let you guys know. But for now can we just drop it, please?"

"We just want what's best for you, Hol. And we want you to want what's best for you too," her mother trailed off.

"I thought I knew," Holland sighed, standing up and heading upstairs to her room.

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Holland woke up early that morning, nausea sweeping over her. She stirred, turning on her side to try and settle it, but it was to no avail. She was hugging the toilet a few minutes later. 

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and in that moment it had dawned on her. Her mouth hung open in fear. She got to her feet and shuffled to her room, throwing on some flip flops and grabbing her keys. Once she was in her car, she pressed the ignition, the lull of her defrosters the only sound the entire ride to the nearest convenience store.

The timer for three minutes had gone off, her iphone chiming that it was time to look at the test. Her hands shook as she picked the stick up. She refused to look at it until now, her thoughts running wild for every second of that three minute wait.

Pregnant.

Holland thought she'd gasp, or cry, or scream, or something if it were positive. But all she could do was sit there and stare at it. She reacted based on what she was feeling -- nothing at all.

After a few minutes of staring off into space, a warm tear dripped onto the screen of the test, blurring the word Pregnant. Holland blinked a few times, wiping underneath her eyes as she sat the test next to her. 

She didn't know what she was going to do. Should she tell her mom? Should she keep it a secret and do whatever she was going to do on her own? No, she couldn't do that. She had already felt so alone, she couldn't do it for nine more months.

Holland was nineteen years old, soon to be twenty. The last thing she ever expected she'd be doing at this age was thinking about becoming a mother. She knew that she wanted kids someday, but she knew that she wanted to be married to someone who loved her deeply. Money wasn't really an issue, which she was very thankful for. Maybe as thankful as she'd ever been for it. Eli was nowhere to be found, or maybe he was, but either way he wasn't doing anything to make himself known. She didn't want her child to have an absent father, she knew all too well what that was like. 

A small smile tugged at the corner of Holland's lips before she whispered to herself,

"But a baby doesn't need Eli. And I don't either."